Natural Childbirth Lamaze Classes

Many new parents consider Natural Childbirth and if so, Lamaze classes are a must. The cost is reasonable (maybe fifty bucks for both of you) and they take place either evenings or on weekends. These classes can be fun as well as informative and you’ll learn all sorts of new words and a variety of diseases and complications to expect as well as learning to handle emergency situations.

One thing I learned after attending those classes and watching those movies is, “If I had to give birth to a baby, my wife and I would never consummate the marriage!”

Women truly are strong and can bear pain better than men . . . better than most men, that is. Let me share with you a few things you’ll learn in these classes.

1. You’ll learn that forceps (doctors say) do not injure the baby. I say look at these huge, shiny, pliers and judge for yourself. Try holding a pair and see what you think then. I say put a cushion or some type of pad on the inside cup of these hard, cold, menacing looking baby-head squeezers. I think the baby would appreciate it. I think mothers wish they were a bit smaller and perhaps warmer too!


2. Episiotomy. This is when the baby’s head is a little bit too big to come out comfortably and the doctor determines, on the spot, that to widen the bottom of the vagina by cutting the opening a bit is far better than having it tear.


3. Men, this is serious and painful and it just isn’t funny to joke about. Saying such gauche things as, “cut an extra stitch in, will ya’ doc”, is not only bad manners but the doctor has heard it more often than the guy who is 7 feet tall being asked by idiots, “how’s the weather up there?”


4. In the class, you'll learn to breathe. Yes, I mean you learn to breathe because you are the coach. Although you and your wife are learning at the same time, you should have more control when it comes time to put this practice to work.
   
   Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Do this twice in 15 seconds. Then, when the baby is almost exposed to the world, you have to increase the breathing, sort of like a dog after a long run in hot weather. Anyway, you’ll see how it’s done and you’ll use it, even if you’re not aware you’re doing it.


5. You’ll be shown interesting movies and actually see several people giving birth. You learn to really appreciate what your wife is going through and what still lies ahead for her. If couples intending to have a baby attended these classes while in the thinking stage, the birth rate, I feel, would be cut back as much as ninety percent! Are these kids worth the pain, expense and effort? You bet!